Scars
by fizzingweaselbee
Summary: Scars: old or new, bring people closer together. [Pre-Wolfstar]


It was unsurprising, really, that Remus was covered in scars. Despite his father's (and then Madame Pomfrey's) excellent healing capabilities, werewolf scratches and bites never healed the way they should.

Those were the thoughts running through his mind as he stared at himself in the only mirror in the dorm room, ever-alert for one of his roommates' return. Because an odd scar on the arm or face was much easier to accept than the mess of a torso staring back at him.

Remus pulled on a t-shirt and sweatshirt, his head poking through the neck just as Sirius walked in. The beautiful boy – older than Remus by five months – shot Remus a smile, flopping down onto his bed, sighing heavily.

"What's up?" Remus asked, watching the way Sirius' stomach moved as he breathed, the slither of skin showing above his trousers revealing the dip of his hips.

Sirius let out another sigh, staring at the ceiling. "Nothing, really." He sat up, and Remus frowned, taking a step towards Sirius' bed.

"That's new." He said, reaching out to touch a scar running from Sirius' left eye to the left corner of his mouth. "And your healing isn't very good." He muttered, and Sirius pulled away from Remus' touch.

He shook his hair out from behind his ears, partially covering the angry mark. "I said I was fine, Moony."

"Sure." Remus scoffed. "At least let me properly heal it, this doesn't need a scar." _Unlike the ones I cause. _The words were on the tip of his tongue, but Remus swallowed them back.

Sirius frowned. "Maybe I like it – it makes me look dangerous and daring."

"It makes you look like a prison convict, actually." Remus corrected him, taking Sirius' response as a yes and sitting opposite him on his bed.

Sirius nodded. "Exactly – dangerous and daring."

"Or just deranged." Remus murmured, pressing the skin around the scar gently before shifting up onto his knees, taking his wand out of his back pocket.

"You know, someone told me that a friend lost a buttock because they kept a wand shoved in their back pocket." Sirius said, making conversation to distract himself from Remus' proximity.

Remus laughed quietly. "Don't listen to anything Moody tells you. Do you want a numbing charm?" Sirius shook his head. "Obviously not, why be sensible." He pressed the tip of his wand to the end closest to Sirius' eye, trying not to wince as the skin reopened and began to bleed.

He dragged the wand along the scar, grabbing hold of Sirius' chin about halfway down and turning his head, leaving his hand there longer than necessary.

Equally as slowly, Remus started to heal the new cut, starting with the upper level of muscle affected, and finishing with the skin. "Do you want me to get rid of the scar?" He asked when he'd finished the healing, sitting back on his heels as Sirius stroked his finger along where the newer (and much smaller) scar finished.

"No, no it's fine like this." Sirius said. "Where'd you learn to heal like that? It's not usually…" he trailed off, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

Remus cleared his throat. "Just in case. If I can inflict wounds, I want to be able to heal them too."

Sirius' face softened. "It's not you inflicting them, Remus, how many times have we got to tell you that?"

"I'm not getting into it, alright? You didn't want to talk about your issues," Sirius went to interrupt, but Remus continued over the top of him, "let me have my secrets too."

Sirius chewed the inside of his lip, but said nothing, so Remus stood, suddenly unenthused with his earlier idea of a walk in the woods. He pulled his sweater off; unaware of Sirius' eyes on him as he did so. He hesitated with his hands on the hem of his t-shirt, risking a glance over to where Sirius lay, appearing to stare at the ceiling.

Remus took a deep breath and pulled the shirt over his head, quickly turning away from Sirius' line of sight and to his trunk, bending over to look for a pyjama top. When he straightened up, his back stiffened at how close Sirius was standing. Slowly, he turned round, looking straight into grey eyes. He took a step back, not having to try hard to pull a confused face.

"That was a bit close, mate." The words were forced, and Remus crossed his arms across his torso.

Sirius shrugged, eyes focused on the scars crisscrossing Remus' chest and stomach. "Merlin, Remus." He said quietly.

Remus' jaw tightened. "Fuck off." He looked away, hunching his shoulders.

A calloused hand lightly touched a particularly bad scar on his side, and Remus' cheeks burned.

"Are these all because of Moony?" Sirius asked, and Remus winced at his nickname for the beast.

Remus hit Sirius' hand away, pulling a t-shirt over his head in a jerky motion. "I said fuck off, Sirius."

Sirius sympathy drained away, replaced by anger as Remus got ready for bed in silence, not even looking at Sirius as he did so, saying nothing when James and Peter got back from the kitchens; nothing when Peter talked about asking Dorcas out; nothing when James crowed about how Lily had flirted with him for the entirety of Potions.

Remus was quiet throughout, and one by one, the other three dropped off, leaving him alone with his jumbled mess of thoughts.

* * *

Midnight came and went, and eventually Remus got up, casting a Muffliato on his feet as he left the dormitory. He let his feet take him to the kitchens, where several elves were still awake.

"Whatever you've got left over." He said when one of the elves asked him what he wanted, and he ended up with a plate of treacle tart and almost an entire chocolate cake in front of him.

"I'm guessing they don't do Firewhiskey." Remus dropped his fork with a clatter, looking up to see Sirius standing in the doorway.

Remus shrugged with one shoulder, picking his fork back up and spearing a large chunk of cake. Sirius sat opposite him, transfiguring a fork out of the empty treacle tart plate and gouging a large slice from the cake.

"Sorry for pushing it." Sirius said, at the same time as Remus muttered, "Sorry for getting angry." The pair smiled hesitantly at each other, and a slightly more comfortable silence fell in the kitchen, broken only by the clinking of forks against plate.

Remus put his fork down after five minutes, leaning back in his chair. "No one but Pomfrey and my family have seen all the scars. It's kind of personal, that's why I wasn't so happy with you asking."

"We've been your mates for seven years, Moony. We're hardly going to care about something like that." Sirius said around a mouthful of cake.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "It seemed like you cared." The weighted silence was back, and Sirius swallowed loudly, his eyes darting away from Remus'.

"It was shock, that's all." Sirius finally said, "Just like you were shocked when I walked in looking like someone'd used me as a knife sharpener."

Remus fiddled with his wand, tapping it against his thigh until it sparked. "I guess. Exasperation at you having got into another fight seemed more prominent, actually." The teasing dragged a small smile out of both boys.

"Well, this fight was with my darling cousin and brother." Remus resisted the urge to cover Sirius' hand with his own. Sirius chuckled darkly. "I caught them torturing some fourth year Ravenclaw. Regulus got me with this before I disarmed them." His grin was sad. "Good luck to them finding their wands; I hope the squid swallowed them." He glared bitterly at the mostly empty plate in front of him before pushing it away, leaving his hand flat on the table so that it touched Remus'. "I'm just sick of it all already, and I'm only 17. I should be getting drunk and failing Charms, because who fucking cares about Charms? Instead, I'm breaking up my family's torture sessions and thinking that most of my friends will be dead by the time this bloody war is over." The confession seemed to exhaust him, and Sirius' whole body slumped.

Remus sighed. "It's not ideal, but we can hardly change it, can we? And we're doing the best we can, you and James in particular. How many weeks go by where you _don't_ have a prank or two?"

"You hate our pranks." Sirius countered.

Remus shook his head. "As a Prefect, I disapprove. Most of them are brilliant, though. Especially the ones involving all of us. It's a distraction," Remus, hesitantly, moved his hand so his pinky overlapped Sirius', "which I know people appreciate."

"You think so?" Sirius visibly perked up, curling his finger around Remus' gently. "Because I've had an excellent idea for ages and…"

Sirius went to explain – in great detail – a prank involving the Halloween pumpkins, a kneazle and Mrs. Norris, which Remus added to or corrected every so often.

It was light outside by the time they left, their hands brushing as they walked up the stairs. And although nothing obvious had changed, that was the night their relationship shifted forever.


End file.
